Wednesday, October 12, 2011

a good start

Well, my book was released on the weekend, and Monday it was on the Kindle Bestseller list in the "inspirational" category!  I also got two absolutely lovely reviews.

Nothing like feeling a writer, that is probably the number one thing I hope for when I write!  Thanks so much to all you wonderful readers, and double thanks to the people who take the time to write to me, either to review my book or to comment to me privately.  It means so much.

Monday, October 10, 2011

book release!

My book, Deep Blue Ocean, was released yesterday in the Amazon Kindle store! Here's the link:

 The paperback version will be released hopefully within the week. I'll post a link as soon as it's ready.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

book excerpt

Here's an excerpt from my book Deep Blue Ocean, from the chapter entitled"Forgive and Forget" Is Bogus:

     Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending that what happened wasn’t so bad.  It doesn’t mean acting like it never happened, either, in the sense that you should then immediately put yourself back in a position to have that done to you again.  From what I’ve seen and experienced, it seems like what forgiveness really entails is adjusting your reality to include what just happened, and then choosing to continue being who you’ve decided to be.  It seems, though, in many situations, what churches call forgiveness is actually just choosing to pretend that bad things won’t happen again.
     Let me illustrate.  Suppose you discover that your child was shown pornographic pictures by their camp counselor, who happens to attend your church.  You are horrified and outraged and you confront the person.  He or she at first tries to wiggle out of it, but finally confess, breaking down and crying.  He or she begs your forgiveness, saying he/she is asking God for help and going to counseling and he/she will never do anything like that again. 
     Clearly, for you to say, “I forgive you, so my kid can go camping again with you next weekend and I will let this be our little secret so you don’t have to be humiliated” is not an option.  That would not be forgiveness, it would be terrible parenting! 
     Or how about this:  A young woman is sexually assaulted on her way home from work.  Her attacker is arrested and put in jail, and he writes to the young woman, begging forgiveness and saying he is going to get help and he will never do anything like that again.  Should she then decide that when he gets out of jail, she will date him? Since after all, she forgave him! 
     That might sound ludicrous, and it is, but it is exactly what many churches tell people to do in situations that are similar.  If someone’s father or mother or spouse is the one who did something cruel or abusive or immoral or all three, and the victim goes to their pastor asking for help, what happens?  “Oh, let’s have a counseling session, and talk about why that was wrong, and pray about it, and then you have to forgive, and go back home and live with the person, and I’m sure everything will be fine now, because we prayed and you chose to forgive.”
     Forgiveness doesn’t mean you pretend it never happened!  You can absolutely forgive someone and still say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t trust you now, and that will affect our relationship in this way (fill in the blank).” 
     If someone steals from you, forgiveness doesn’t mean you hire him to work in your accounting department.
     If someone cheats on you, forgiveness doesn’t mean that you let her be gone at all hours without telling you what she is doing.
     If someone molests you, abuses you, and/or treats you cruelly, forgiveness doesn’t mean that you live with that person.
     Forgiveness is choosing to let go of the hurt and rage that naturally arises from injustice so that you can continue moving forward in your life.

Thursday, September 15, 2011


Hey, I wrote a book. I finished it the first week of September, and it is coming out in mid-to-late October. It will be available on Amazon, either in paperback form, or in a Kindle eBook, whichever you prefer. It's called "Deep Blue Ocean" and its a collection of thoughts on God, love and water. I know, that sounds weird, so you should probably read it!

Friday, July 22, 2011

fans vs. Fans

I have lots of fans.

If you add together the people who have checked the "Like" box on Facebook, the people who "Follow" my musician profile on Twitter, and the people who have joined the mailing list on my website, that's a fair amount of people.

If all the people who have said they are my fans actually bought my singles, came to my gigs, and played my music in their homes for their friends and family, I would be making a reasonably decent living from my music.

But, you see, there's a BIG difference between fans and what I will call Fans. A Fan is someone who truly, seriously loves my music - who will rush right over and buy my new songs as they come out - who will enthusiastically share the links that I post - who I can count on to help spread the noise. And they are actually Fans based on my music and my musician persona, they aren't just enthusiastic because they are my friends or family.
Friends and family, as wonderful and necessary as they are, may not actually love my music for its own sake - they love and support me because they are my friends and family, not necessarily because they are a Fan.

I am a Fan myself...there are musicians, authors, painters and business owners of whom I am a Fan, and I happily tout these people's art/services/whatever without ever being paid, or even being pushed or nagged or bribed.

There's a certain author I know who, after many years of publishing excellent non-fiction, has just released his first novel. Its FANTASTIC. This author is my friend, but beyond that, I absolutely love his book. I have posted, tweeted, linked, tagged, talked about, praised, and otherwise plugged his books dozens of times in the few weeks it has been out. I am a true Fan of his work, and he doesn't have to ask me, pay me, send me free stuff, or anything else to get me to help him spread the word - HIS WORK DOES THAT!

As soon as I start talking about true Fans, I think of Bee. I am not sure exactly how Bee discovered my music in the first place, but she is a Fan. When I post something on my website or music page, she comments right away, always looking forward to the next song. When I DO release a song, Bee is the first to buy it.

I'll tell you what, I LOVE BEE. The way I see it, being an artist or musician is a sort of crescent shape - creation and performance make the crescent shape, but when someone else hears and loves what has been created and performed, it forms a complete circle. Bee completes the circle for me with her appreciation and love for my songs.
Believe it or not, I actually think about Bee when I am about to release a song, and feel a tingle in my toes: "Is Bee going to love this song?"

Although Bee is not my only true Fan, of course, because I have personally interacted with her several times (thank you, Facebook!), her face is the one I associate with my Fans, and I truly care about pleasing Bee when I am working on a song. Because without her (and the others like her) my circle is incomplete.

No matter how many fans I get, they don't really change my life much. It's polite and nice of them to click "Like", but its the Fans, the encouragers, the praisers, the buyers, the sing-along-ers, the email- and letter-writers, the rush-out-to-tell-their-friends-ers, that really make being an independent musician possible.

So THANK YOU! To Bee, and the other Fans I have - I play FOR YOU. Please let me know how I can serve you better! I love you all.

Monday, July 18, 2011


First of all, could I just say "WOW!!" in the general direction of my darling TH? Sometimes, I just feel the need to say WOW! All those years, I had no idea....but anyway. I will just say that I am glad I didn't know what I was missing, because discovering it now is AMAZING.

So it's I've often said "Monday always knows." I don't want to borrow trouble, but at the same time its best to be prepared, and I hope I am. It's a lovely, sunny, breezy morning, though, and I have already got some difficult business taken care of, and my little K went to work with TH this morning. She was all ready at about six! and was bouncing excitedly outside our bedroom door when I got up, saying "Is Daddy ready? Is it time to go?" She loves organizing, and she is going to organize his fabric samples today, by texture, color and who knows what else.

My son J1, who is now sixteen, constantly leaves his phone lying around. I would never snoop, since he's a VERY good and responsible person and I respect his privacy, but GOLLY, its hard not to when he leaves it in my room all the time! Sometimes, when we go to bed in the evening, the kids aren't quite done hanging out with us, so they come in and watch TV in our room. Since the TV in here is less than a quarter of the size of the one downstairs, we take this as a big compliment! But anyway, my airheaded J1 leaves his phone on the floor in here almost every night.

So far, I haven't opened it, although yeah, part of me would love to know what he is SAYING to all those girls that are blowing up his phone all the time...

Thursday, July 14, 2011

volunteer music video?

I am going to be shooting the video for my next single to come out, "Dark Angel". I was thinking it might be fun to ask a bunch of my friends to help with the video - I need extras, light holders, fan pointers, makeup, hair and stylist type people, camera people, etc.

Here's what I DON'T need: People who want to RUN the shoot, or try to talk me into/out of what I envision for this video. I know what I want, and I won't be changing my musical style for you or anyone else. But I think it could be really fun to incorporate my friends' talents into this project as well as mine.

Why am I not just HIRING professionals for all of this? Well, anyone who's an independent musician knows that there's very little money in it these days. But I'll happily list you in the credits if you help, even if you just fix my bra strap or move the window shade three times.

Oh! And, I'm going to need a large, black horse. TH used to actually HAVE a large black horse, but he was sold, and we don't know where he ended up. But TH is an excellent, lifelong rider, and I will not be on the horse, so he or she doesn't need to be super user-friendly or anything.

Please, if you or someone you know lives in the north Idaho/northeastern Washington area and you think they'd like to be in on this video, let me know. Email me at:

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

in other news....

It is raining today, which makes me happy. I know, its weird and bizarre, but I LOVE dark, rainy days. Obviously, if it rained EVERY DAY, I would start longing for sunshine, but having lived on the coast for many years, I got very accustomed to rain and the different moods it takes. I loved the wild, windy storms and the soft, misty days where it doesn't LOOK like it's raining but you're still soaked in five minutes.

Here, of course, we get four definite seasons, and it only rains when its supposed to (in my opinion).

Also, I got nine library books yesterday, and have already read one and a half! Well, and I already looked through the cookbook about brunch stuff, but that doesn't really count.

I have a book here called "Mozart's Ghost" by Julia Cameron. Obviously, I can't resist a book that has Mozart in the title - a couple months ago, I read "The Mozart Season" which is technically a "young adult" novel but was GORGEOUSLY written. A complete delight. So many books about 13-ish girls just make me furious, because they act like all the girls I hated when I was young. Completely shallow, boy-crazy and obnoxiously two-faced with each other.

Allegra, in "The Mozart Season" is MUCH more the kind of kid I was....not only in the sense that she played classical music and liked to read, but just the way she talked and thought about things reminded me of me. The way she listened to the radio quietly late at night. Lots of things.

Anyhow! I hope this "Mozart's Ghost" book isn't a total disappointment. I AM going to write another novel someday, though I feel pretty up to my ears in the non-fiction book I'm writing now, and the music for the CD.

But I have stories in here. *points to own head*

Last night I had a weird collection of brief dreams, like a Paul Thomas Anderson movie or something. There was one in which I was protecting not only MY children but several others from some sort of Gestapo-type soldiers. There was one in which I was going on a horribly bumpy bike ride with a middle-aged lady who was sobbing over why she was leaving her husband. There was one in which I was helping run a community event, sort of like a fair, and there was a dreadful Pageant Mom lady who was insisting that her little girl needed a "number", saying "How will the judges know who Celeste IS if you don't assign her a NUMBER!" and I was trying in vain to explain the total and complete lack of anything like judges.

Attributing the dreams to my time of the month - yes, as Jen from The IT Crowd would say "I've fallen to the communists." Earlier, I was speaking just a bit irritably to my daughter, and she went silently to her bedroom and came back with a square of Hershey's chocolate! Golly, what a great kid!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

sunshine and Beethoven

My house, which does not belong to me but I still get to call it mine because I pay the rent, has a Most Glorious Feature. Actually, it has about a HUNDRED Most Glorious Features, but I am currently describing one, okay?
It has a music system that has speakers in the main rooms, the master bedroom and on the upper deck. That's right, I said the UPPER deck...our house has TWO decks!! The lower deck is accessible through the den, where the Wii is and where the kids use it most. The upper deck is where we often eat, host parties, et cetera.

Anyhow, this music system allows me to create a soundtrack for most of my life, which I have really, always wanted to do. (Doesn't everyone, really? Wouldn't it be so great if, every time something bad was going to happen, the scary music started, so we'd freaking KNOW? Or, if TH is about to say something really romantic, the music could swell with jazz brushes and saxophones so I could mentally get my sexy on? Actually, pretty much any time TH says ANYTHING to me I mentally get my sexy on, so that point might be moot.) In the mornings, I play classical music, to help me order my thoughts, plan my day, and figure out how to use the coffee maker, perhaps not in that order.
Around eleven or so, I usually switch to the "rock and roll's greatest hits" station, for some work energy and because the kids like it, and that's when some of them get out of bed. (ahem!)
Then, when TH comes home in the evening, I switch it to the jazz station, and turn it on on the deck so we can sit out there and enjoy the breeze off the lake and a glass of wine (or three).

If that sounds like VACATION to you, it sort of is!! We can, if the weather's nice, have a mini-vacation every single evening on our deck.

This particular morning, TH is at work, and has been since around seven a.m. That is very sad, but it also means that since the kids are at their father's house this weekend, I have this beautiful day to myself.
I went for a hike earlier, but my trail up in the woods was already inundated with senior citizens on a group nature walk. Since I didn't feel like saying "Excuse me, good morning! Hello, excuse me. Pardon me, excuse me, good morning!" I just hiked the loop on which I live, and came back home.

I had my breakfast (raisin English muffin with peanut butter, and orange juice) on the deck in the absolutely gorgeous breezy sunshine, while listening to Beethoven's first symphony. I know, it's not famous like the fifth or the ninth, but by golly ol' Ludwig can write a damn fine symphony!!

I also meditated, in my weird way that I do (hell no, I'm not going to describe it. You'd just laugh at me anyhow) and am getting ready to work on my book. I like to blog first, just to kinda warm up.

Yeah, you guys are my opening act, sort of....

Thursday, July 7, 2011

glad there is SOMETHING I can do!

I know I am not alone in feeling disgust that Casey Anthony got acquitted. I know the legal system works the best way it can based on the laws that WE help to make, and in this case, following the legal process did not bring justice to Caylee Anthony.

Clearly, there is much more to the story that we might never know, and whatever actually happened to that innocent little girl, Casey may not ever be held accountable for it in any real way.

Obviously, I hope no one ever has sex with her again, but shoot - OJ Simpson has had girlfriends, which I canNOT imagine. Seriously, WHO would go to bed with that guy??

But I digress.

There’s a petition that’s been put up on to make not reporting your child missing a felony. It is sad and appalling that something like this has to be made a law - as a mother, if my child is missing for thirty SECONDS, I feel frantic, panicky, and absolutely jam-packed with adrenaline. I cannot IMAGINE even being able to sleep or eat with my child in some sort of jeopardy, let alone go out and grind on people in some bar.

But that is why we have laws - some people do not have the natural urges of compassion or respect for human life that they’re suppose to have, so we have to MAKE them behave in a decent way, via the laws of our country.

So here’s the link: Create Caylee’s Law! Go here, and sign, and help make our country a little bit safer for the innocent children who may be at the mercy of a coldhearted parent.

ANYONE who has taken the time to say angry things about the outcome of Ms. Anthony’s trial should also take one minute to go sign this petition - I did, and it’s a law we should have had already.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

back to work

It was a fantastic long weekend - it really was! Hosted a good party on the deck on the fourth, and still eating leftovers from that. The party was really fun, with music ranging from Jimi Hendrix to Lady Gaga, and concluding the night with an intoxicated fellow kissing both me and TH lengthily on the mouth. TH was only slightly traumatized, and took it like a man. Since our teenagers witnessed this event, I predict it will be YEARS before the story stops being gleefully told!

Back to work, though...I am doing quite a bit of pavement pounding, since the plan is to pitch "Dark Angel" to several film opportunities the moment it is released. It is sounding amazing, and I'm hoping to get closer to finished in the recording studio tomorrow with the fabulous James Elvidge.
I have the video all planned out in my head, and it involves TH being roughly half naked. So far, he is agreeing to this! but I remember when I made the "Gods and Goddesses" book, and TH had to be Bacchus, with grape vines in his hair, lounging half naked in bed. I had to give him several glasses of wine, as I recall, before he could relax and stop giggling in embarrassment. The picture that ended up in the book is SMOKIN' hot, and is still getting hits on Google, naturally.

I,however, will NOT be half naked in the video. The only reason for that is that the song isn't really a nudity-type song. So few of mine are....

Saturday, July 2, 2011

wonderful day!

My lover has taken the weekend off for the first time in months and MONTHS! It has been so lovely, I closed the blinds and kept quiet and he slept in till NINE, which is unheard of for him. He is usually at work by seven am.

We cooked bacon, and had a late breakfast, and then went grocery shopping for our party on the 4th. He couldn't keep his hands off me in the store, and I could actually SEE the light coming back to his eyes! He works way too hard.

Then, I took the kids to the Long Ear, which is a wonderful music store that also has great old rock n roll posters and other musician/hippie-related gifts. We got birthday presents for my son J2, who will be fifteen on Monday. That was really, we are hanging out and I'm going to make a cheesecake in a minute. Blueberry, I think.

Friday, July 1, 2011


How come I can't see comments that people leave? I have the settings set to show comments, and I see by the emails that I have received several comments! But they don't show here. Anyone know?

music video

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

on the rollercoaster

It's a really Down Day. I am not going to go into why, because honestly the "why" is not a huge deal. Its my retarded response to the "why" that is making me so down!

I have got to learned to navigate setbacks or failures without feeling so terrible and rejected, or I am in the WRONG BUSINESS, BABY.

Which I know I'm not.

I need a kick in the pants - and it looks like I'm going to have to give MYSELF one, somehow!

*one-sided smile at funny mental picture*

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

good news/bad news

The good news is, I don't really look my age.

The bad news is, I TOTALLY feel my age these days. I am pretty sure its the high blood pressure; I am on drugs for it now, which really helps, but the drugs themselves make me have no energy.

The good news is, I am probably not going to drop dead from a stroke or heart attack now, since I am on these drugs.

The bad news is, I have gained more than ten pounds since I started taking them, because its SO difficult for me to work out! Instead of feeling energized, which I always used to when I exercised, I now feel limp and exhausted after just a few minutes of working out! and if I push myself to continue, I start getting lightheaded and feeling like I'm going to faint. Its frustrating.

I am not really sure what to do. Obviously, its more important to have my blood pressure under control than to have my weight under control, but on the other hand, I know that being more fit would help my blood pressure ASIDE from the drugs. Its not like I'm fat or anything, either - but my muscles don't show anymore, which I really hate!

Yeah, I'm just whining....

gorgeous designs!

Here's a link to some of the most beautiful custom furniture EVER:

Monday, June 27, 2011

latest single


The problem is, I can't find some files on my laptop. I know they're there, because I saved them to my hard drive a couple days ago after I downloaded them from the bank. But I can't find the bloody things - I've looked in all the logical folders, and even done a search, unaided by that ridiculous Paper Clip Man who always reminds me of Jeeves for some reason. I turned him off after a bit, because he kept offering stupid, irrelevant advice till I was about to punch him in the throat.

I am all cramped from hunching over my laptop. TH would say "Why don't you go down into the office and sit at the desk and then your neck and shoulders won't get so stiff?" My answer is, quite simply, that I do not wish to go down into the office. I wish to stay up here and complain about it.

I actually wish to lie in some hot sand near a large body of water with a sweating margarita next to me, but that is not in the cards.


lunchboxes, and why mine is empty

I heart lunchboxes. I am not really sure why, I just do. When I was a little kid, I had a Holly Hobbie lunchbox, and when my big sisters went to school with THEIR lunchboxes, I took mine out into the vacant lot next to our house, since I wasn't old enough for school yet.

I even love the old school man's lunchbox - you know, they are black and have a domed roof that flips back to reveal the place to stash the Thermos? Yeah.

I actually have one of those, but it's empty. I would like to put some lunch in it, and possibly take a walk up into the woods behind my house and eat lunch up there.

Here's why I haven't: A. I am wearing a skirt and high-heeled sandals. Why, you might ask, am I wearing such attire on a day when I'm not going anyplace till 3:30 or so? It was just one of those mornings when I wanted to look pretty, okay? My makeup sort of went wonderfully right, and then I wanted to continue the rightness on down my body to my feet.

Hence the nude, strappy high-heeled sandals.

Its not like I haven't ever GONE up in the woods wearing a skirt and heels - I am actually known among my peers for not only being overdressed in the extreme for almost every occasion but also being able to climb trees in heels - but that brings us to reason B: I don't know what to put in my sandwich.

I don't! I have tuna, salami, cheese and peanut butter, and the various acoutrements that go with such items. But I don't know what I want. I don't actually feel like EATING a sandwich. I am more in a Tom Yum Soup-type mood. You can't really put THAT in a lunchbox.

Oh right! I don't have a Thermos. In case you are thinking, "put it in the Thermos, and put THAT in the damn lunchbox!"

I have a great idea!!! Why don't I start using a lunchbox as my handbag? Roomy, easy to find things in, and unique. Maybe I can start a new trend....

explain it to the blonde

So, I don't really know how to find people here. Without having their specific blog addresses, I mean. Isn't there a way to browse blogs based on interests or locales? I need to make some friends here, connect with people, but I don't have six hours to go around to all my friends from other places, ask them to send my their Blogger address, and then type it in. Besides, I'd like to meet some new people, too.

Surely, there must be a better way. Every other social networking-type site I'm on has a "friend search" type engine, but here they just have "invite your friends using their email addresses".


It's a beautiful day today, but I have to spend it doing paperwork, which makes me grumpy. I LOATHE AND DESPISE PAPERWORK. I am not great at it, so I put it off, and then end up with a big pile.

I want to take my guitar and sit by the lake and play breezy lake music....

Saturday, June 25, 2011

"Divide" music video

blog-ally challenged

By the way, it took me just under two hours to figure out how to feed my blog to my other sites.  Sad, just sad.

Some Good, Some Bad

The past few days have been a totally weird combination of great moments and awful moments! Musically, I have had a GREAT few days. I worked in the studio on Thursday, which went gorgeously - I laid down a lot of BGVs for “Dark Angel”, and they sound wonderful! Well, they need to have their edges smoothed and their levels adjusted, but I can tell they are GOING to sound wonderful.

Personally, I have had a SUCKY few days. My debit card info was stolen, and charges made in Hawaii, Florida and New York. Travel much? And what really bites is, I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO ANY OF THOSE PLACES. I would love to, but other people keep using my travel funds. Other things, too, happened that were upsetting, including the sudden and unexplained death of my little Bing the canary, whose bright golden voice made me happy every morning.

But the music always pulls me back, you know? It’s my Swish, and if you don’t know what that means, that’s just too bad for you.